Genre: Sports
Year: 1999
Developed by: Camelot Software Planning
Published by: Nintendo
Platforms: N64
#55
Feeling Like: It should have been called Wario Golf…
Jim: Hi, I’m Jim and I’m here with Frank at the “Henry plays Mario Golf in his tiny bedroom on that awesome little CRT from the 1980s” Invitational.
Frank: Jim, it’s a pleasure to be here, although by this point I feel like we’re in an endless repeating loop for eternity, because I’m pretty sure Henry’s played this course a dozen times already.
Jim: Well Frank, it would be a big issue if each course wasn’t as peaceful and charming as Koopa Park, or the Toad Highlands. Can you hear the music from where you’re at?
Frank: Considering I’m sitting right next to you, yes I absolutely can Frank. It’s the Steel Drums and Pan Flutes that, as you can see, is totally entrancing Henry. I don’t think he even has talk radio on while he’s playing. He seems to think it’s one of the most delightful selection of songs and frequently would calm him down after a missed putt.
Jim: Ouch, you aren’t kidding Frank and speaking of missed putts, I think it speaks to Henry’s enjoyment of the sport in real life. Both reality and virtual golf have their advantages – Mario Golf’s being that it allowed Henry to actually hit shots where he was aiming them, and even control for things like “how far he wants the ball to go” and “don’t hit that fucking tree over there”.
Frank: Henry sure has had some tribulations over the years. I’m not even sure why he keeps playing, he’s self-admittedly terrible yet refuses to throw in the towel.
Jim: I think it’s the social connection, Frank .
Frank: Sure.
Jim: I mean he’s got the Ross Bay Cricket Club’s end of year golf party.
Frank: Love the golf party.
Jim: Plus he can go anytime with his dad, or sister Emily or Uncle John. Or even previous co-workers and friends, like Mitch, Crouch and Ryan G.
Frank: Huh. it seems like all those terrible scores and blowups don’t seem to be bothering Henry. Hey, look! We’ve got some real life photos over the years. Some great memories there, Jim.
Jim: Absolutely, Frank. It’s not Henry’s favorite sport, but he’ll sure jump at the chance to play nine holes if it means hanging out with some great people.
Frank: Hey let’s not forget, Henry dragged his friends into more than a few four player marathons with Mario Golf too!
Jim: Oh boy. This game can be either the best, or worst multiplayer experience. If you’re impatient, you’d better stay away; even finishing a single hole with four players can take up to fifteen minutes.
Frank: And this was BEFORE Henry and his pals started drinking.
Jim: I can’t even imagine trying to get a full 18 holes in with four belligerent idiots. Although Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour did add an extra layer of enjoyment in Bigelow House…
Frank: At first I thought the idea of bantering your opponents with the press of a button was an irritating idea. After about twelve seconds, my fears were confirmed.
Jim: You said it, Frank. It’s funny the first few times, but then it always descended into quippy madness. Especially in some of the later courses, where each player had to think extra long about each shot to account for the wind, obstacles, hills, and the other zany things Camelot put into this game.
Frank: Ah, I just gotta say Jim. I love how they represent the wind by a Boo blowing in a certain direction. It’s little touches like that which made Mario Golf endlessly endearing for Henry.
Jim: I’m getting a warm feeling just thinking about it. Just try to listen to “Yoshi Championship” and not wish you had an N64 controller in your hands. Go ahead, I dare you.
Frank: Not sure the Donkey Kong screams are necessary though, Jim.
Jim: You said it. And I don’t think the graphics have aged all that well.
Frank: Yeah, that’s the case for most N64 games. I mean we can make out what’s going on, but it’s not as if the visuals blew me away. Why did Bowser look so different from his Super Mario 64 model?
Jim: No clue, but I gotta give props to the HUD and UI. It’s so clean and colorful, even the text showing what Par is on a particular hole, or how far you have to go is unique.
Frank: Sometimes it’s best just to get out of the way. Even though there’s plenty of information on the screen, like showing what club you’re selecting, where on the ball you’re aiming to hit, what your score is and the shot meter, the player’s focus is always easy to identify. Within a single button press, you can see where exactly you are on the course and where you’re aiming. Even the colors showing elevation, or the line directions on the aim grid indicating slope are perfectly clear.
Jim: See, this is where I think future Mario Golf games got it wrong. Everything is needlessly complicated now, or simplified where it didn’t need to be simplified. And don’t get me started on Mario Golf: Super Rush.
Frank: Oh, I’m with you.
Jim: Why remove the three button press for a swing? It was perfect. One press to start the meter, one to set the power, and one to set the accuracy. It was forgiving enough to not scare off rookies, but also rewarding to veteran players for selecting a riskier club.
Frank: I don’t get why the N64 version, with its inferior hardware, seems leagues above future iterations in the series.
Jim: Good design is timeless, Frank. And this is Henry’s clear favorite when it comes to golf games.
Frank: No doubt about that. I know he has a ton of wonderful memories chipping in for an eagle and watching the replay a dozen times.
Jim: Or unlocking the extra characters. Or mini-golf mode! And there really is nothing like sinking a 50 foot putt and watching Yoshi dance around the green like he’s just won the lottery.
Frank: Or trying to go for a course best score with Maple, his favorite character.
Jim: Has Maple been in any other Mario game before or since?
Frank: It seems she disappeared off the face of the Mario Universe, Jim. No idea where she could’ve gone. She had no fade or draw to her swing, though. I know Henry loved that.
Jim: Dead straight, every time. You always knew where the ball was going.
Frank: Henry specifically wanted to mention his favorite memory involved playing with his dad.
Jim: Just like with cricket, time spent with Simon Skey is time better spent.
Frank: You said it, Jim. Simon is just like Henry – eager, enthusiastic, willing to improve, but lacking athletic talent or meticulous focus. So what you’re going to get is a fun partner who will fail often enough to keep things close, but succeed now and again to keep motivation and morale high.
Jim: And he always picked the guy with the hat! It’s a Sonny day!
Frank: Simon wasn’t so much of a “Nintendo” guy or a “video game” guy, but he sure liked playing SimCity 2000 and Mario Golf with Henry, and he’ll never forget those cherished memories.
Jim: And it looks like Henry’s going to go for the harder courses! Let’s hope he doesn’t get stuck behind a massive obstacle and try to fandangle his way out of it.
Frank: I keep telling him, just chip it a bit behind him and that way he won’t risk duffing his ball into the lava pit, but he never listens!
Jim: Ah, that’s golf for you, Frank. One day you’re driving a perfect power shot 300 yards down the fairway, other times you’re out of bounds because the stupid wind carried your ball past the bunker.
Frank: Are you talking about Mario Golf or regular golf?
Jim: Yes! That’s about all we have time for today, golf fans. Remember to keep your head down, bend your knees, watch the ball, don’t swing too hard, don’t swing too softly, adjust for the wind, follow through with your swing and you just MIGHT hit a good shot.
Frank: Wiser words were never spoken, thanks Jim!
The 500 