Ice Hockey(1)

Genre: Sports
Year: 1988
Developed by: Nintendo EAD
Published by: Nintendo
Platforms: NES
Feeling Like: Bigger is better

If you’ve played Ice Hockey, you already know what’s going to dominate the write up. It’s an inevitable trait that everybody brings up when a quick reminisce occurs between those who played it thirty years ago, or those that found it on Nintendo’s newest online service, or those who emulated it somewhere in between.

The fat guy.

You may notice the intro screen shows three fellows representing their weight class. The average player is not particularly good at everything and not particularly bad at everything. Boring. No self respecting Ice Hockey player will ever have more than one of these on their team.

Ice Hockey(2)
Sweden is dead to me

The scrawny bags of bones are obnoxiously fast, and will fall down if you breathe on them. A worthy, and hilarious, choice.

But Fat Guy is the undisputed star of the show.

He might move slow, but he hits like a truck and has the hardest shot in the game. Think Alex Ovechkin, or Tim Kerr, but add in years of a slovenly, indulgent lifestyle and you’ve got the fat guy from Ice Hockey. It’s not like there’s any subtlety about his design either; they stretched out Average Guy to the breaking point of accepted reality and attempted to persuade us that a man that is clearly 350 pounds could skate without a line change in a professional setting. And net five goals per game.

Ice Hockey(3)
What a surprise, a team with three fat guys scores!

That’s really all there is to it. Playing in a side alcove at Sean M’s house made for fun, bite-sized times. It’s instantly easy to play, understanding the fundamentals of hockey are not required and the games are short enough that lopsided victories are quickly forgotten. It’s one of those games that everybody had if their house was home to a Nintendo Entertainment System, and for good reason.

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