Genre: First Person Shooter, Puzzle
Year: 2011
Developed by: Valve
Published by: Valve
Platforms: PC, Mac OS X, Linux, PS3, XBOX 360, Switch
#62
Feeling Like: Finding a lemon
I can only surmise the reason we haven’t seen a slew of copycats is that Portal 2 is too clever. The puzzles are ingenious, the premise is creative, the humor is wonderful and the level design is airtight. It’s not as widely played as some modern first person shooters, but there’s a reason Valve and Portal are spoken with such reverence among the nerds who are in the know. Portal 2 is one of the best designed games, period. Aside from the most recent Legend of Zeldas, I don’t think anybody has come close to replicating the incredible physics on display.
I don’t think I’m very good at video games in general, though I think that comes with getter older. I feel stronger than ever, but that could be because I’m also heavier. I’ve been practicing with my cricket team weekly, even during the winter months, yet I’m statistically getting worse. Effort doesn’t always yield results, as I’m consistently finding. The very first line of the very first entry on the 500 (Osmos) is “I am terrible at puzzle games.” Nothing’s changed since then, except my reaction speed is slower, I’m getting more impatient and succumb to confusion more easily.
Yet Portal 2 is so intricately put together by professionals who care deeply about you having a good time AND feeling smart, none of that matters. Even as it introduces varying gels to mix up how you move in the world, it’s still a simple premise. The challenge ramps up so gradually that soon I was putting Portals on the floors, on the walls, jumping through, carrying objects with me and reading the environment as quickly as I would read text. Valve accomplishes this through superb visual cues and building the player’s confidence with a slowly ramped up challenge.
What makes Portal 2 superior to Portal is the addition of an incredible story, memorable characters and brilliant writing. It’s not just GLaDOS this time subtlety insulting you through some test chambers, she’s an overlord then a reluctant ally who has been transported into a potato. Wheatley starts out as a bumbling AI comedic relief, before turning mad with power…though he still retains his rambling buffoonery. Cave Johnson, unseen but heard, is voiced by J.K. Simmons so I automatically smiled every time I found an audio log, or heard a hysterical announcement from him. In a game with room-sized robots and a weapon that breaks the fabric of reality, everybody remembers Cave’s quote about life giving you lemons.
“All right, I’ve been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get Mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man whose gonna burn your house down – with the lemons!”
This is just a morsel of what to expect to hear in Portal 2. Stephen Merchant and Ellen McLain are as good as J.K. Simmons in case you needed the slightest hint of the quality of the voice acting. Stellar, there’s no other way to put it. Every line is interesting, or poignant, or biting with satire, or surprising or funny. Pound for pound, or line for line, this might be the best written game ever made. I can’t think of a single boring section, or annoying character. I don’t care that the cast is small, other games would do well to take a lesson from Valve – less is more.
I don’t remember much of the soundtrack, save for a little ditty called “Exile Vilify” on a radio in a wall? Maybe? The details escape me, but the song never fails to put a smile on my face. It’s like Portal 2 itself – whimsical, a little sad, and a little strange.
There’s constant awe to be had. In the second and third acts, gone are the small testing rooms and you’re met with the cavernous undergrounds of abandoned Aperture facilities. Debris is everywhere, collapsed walls are common, water seeping in but all you need is one flat panel of a wall to launch a Portal onto and you’re flying through obstacles like they were made of paper. It truly is a magnificent gameplay loop.
I hate to avoid the game’s best parlor trick, but when you’re up against Wheatley and the game prompts you to launch a portal onto the moon itself, I bellowed out loud. It was a fantastic moment, no prompts or bright red arrows telling you what to shoot (that’s not Valve’s style), just an intrinsic notion to do it through education and entertainment.
Naturally, Valve never made a third Portal game. Why would they? They didn’t make a Half-life 3, or Team Fortress 3, or Half-Life Two: Episode Three. They seem to stop at the peak of their momentum, which in a way makes their sequels absolutely timeless. It’s a shame they’ve all but given up game development (though I am dying to try Half-Life: Alyx), but what are the remnants of their colossal success? Steam, and games like Portal 2 that stand the test of time and space.
Next 61 Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End
The 500 