Genre: Action RPG
Year: 2015
Developed by: CD Projekt Red
Published by: CD Projekt
Platforms: PS4, PC, XBOX One, Switch, PS5, XBOX Series X/S
#88
Feeling Like: Doing anything Henry Cavill says
The Witcher is a massive property, though its competition is so brutish it’s very possible you missed out. It resides in the same building as Skyrim , Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones, but hardcore fans would argue that it’s totally different. It deserves its own special recognition. While I agree, I don’t think I’m rabid enough to plunge into the books, or perk up when CD Projekt Red announced a remaster of the original.
Kyla and I enjoyed the TV series, but I wouldn’t consider it an amazing show. What’s worth the price of admission alone is Henry Cavill. The physicality, the voice, the “not this shit again” look, the perfect performance. Future Witcher games should model Geralt after Cavill’s likeness, not the other way around. That man was born to play the White Wolf. Best of luck, Liam Hemsworth!
Witcher 2 was an overall bore to me. I felt like one of the few who didn’t drink the Kool-Aid; I found the combat unsatisfying, I found the world limited in scope despite everybody telling me otherwise and I couldn’t care about the story. I also played Witcher 2 at a time when I lost my job of nearly six years; my mindset wasn’t exactly positive at the time.
Witcher 3: Wild Hunt arrived when I was happily employed again and did everything better. The story was tighter, the characters were more memorable and all the graphic violence, nudity and language seemed to fit better. A story about a fantastical mercenary seems to come alive in an open world style game, rather than the confines of linearity. Geralt is as badass as ever here, the enemies are as brutal as ever, the levels and landscapes are truly intimidating. Some are breathtaking. The music is unforgettable. The lack of loading screens erased any immersion-breaking moments. Despite the drudgery and misery, the world is breathtaking to visit.
I really can’t write about Witcher 3 without mentioning the Bloody Baron and the Crones of Crookback Bog. It is a testament to true immersion. What starts out as a request from a seemingly pathetic drunk evolves into one of the most intriguing, gleefully disgusting stories I’ve ever seen. It’s a struggle not to think of Robert Baratheon when looking at the bloody baron, and indeed the final results truly are of the same quality as A Song of Ice and Fire. Tragedy, anger, sympathy and horror all wrapped up in a few hours.
And the Crones. Holy hell.
Seemingly straight out of a Jim Henson nightmare (or Labyrinth…), these three unearthed a sense of earnest horror in me that I haven’t felt in a long time. As a young boy, all the old myths and fairy tales that spoke of witches eating children entertained me beyond reason. Now, at 31 (39 now!) I was instilled with the same urges to see more. Their theme music sounds like an old musician being forced to play a broken violin under extreme duress. They have an unnaturally large hands. Their speech sounds like they’ve just eaten a handful of rusty nails. They’re nasty when they’re negotiating, but even worse when they’re pleased.
This isn’t the kind of game where motivations are clear, or easy to tell what the “right” thing to do is. The game’s lore is so rich and the characters are so deep that you’re never really sure if killing this monster, or giving away this item will lead to positive outcomes.
A game as good as The Witcher 3 deserves frequent praise, and evolution. We’ve seen it upscaled to a new console generation, with incredible results. Look at the above screenshot and tell me you’re not immediately compelled. What’s down that path on the left? Can I get to the top of the mountain? Or will I just be distracted by the nigh-photo realistic forest? Will I go play some Gwent, or take a bounty on a nearby monster? Will I burden myself with local political machinations? I should probably rescue Ciri while I’m at it. There’s so much to do and see and hear that it can be overwhelming at times. Boredom isn’t possible. Wonder is a guarantee.
The public reception was so strong that it inspired two expansions, Hearts of Stone and Blood and Wine. By all accounts, they’re as incredible as the main game and I never even played them! Didn’t touch them! Witcher 3 has bested 411 other games on the 500 and that’s without me sampling everything on the menu. Much like A Link to the Past, Witcher 3 is an entry of respect, rather than a passionate plea. It never grabbed my heart and tugged me back to play it like some entries to come. The pacing drops near the end of the story, and I’m not 100% wild about the combat, but the depth, detail and world are incredible enough to push aside any minor quibbles. If the entire game contained the genius of the Bloody Baron and the Crones of Crookbag Bog, it would’ve been another level of masterful.
Plus, this Clueless Gamer segment really is a classic.
The 500 